more than you asked for.
BDSM TEST RESULTS
TIMELINE
December 2007
Drip to Dubai
June 2009
Trip out west
October 2009
Trip to the capital; dad gets H1N1
Spring / Summer 2010
Move out west
Summer 2010
Nailed an explosive ramset load into a tree next to my house. Had to go to the hospital to get the wound super glued shut.
July 2012
First job washing dishes at my grandma's restaurant.
April 2013
Get the little white dog.
December 2013
Trip to Northern California. Visit San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Stanford, Monterey, Google HQ, and Computer History Museum.
March 2014
Trip to Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia.
June 2014
Get the chubby brown dog. Also a trip to Southern California for VidCon; visit Disney Land and Universal Studios. Met Rhett & Link, and Matt Pat.
July 2014
Trip to Oregon where Goonies was filmed.
August 2014
Trip to homeland with friends.
September 2014
Trip to southern Windsor corridor.
May 2015
Trip to island up north with friends.
July 2015
Coding summer camp at Stanford.
January 2016
Start of photography fuck boy era.
February 2016
See bbn$ perform blackout drunk in a vacant commercial space. First cigarette smoked. Begin to think I'm hot shit.
March 2016
Trip to Europe. Hamburg, Vienna, Prague.
April 2016
Get white car that's essentially mine. Really think I'm hot shit.
May 2016
Begin taking friends to the abandoned mansion in my car. Really, really think I'm hot shit. Trip to Northern California, become god-parent.
June 2016
First time smoking weed. Used weed vape that looked like walkie talkie.
July 2016
Trip back up to my Nation while my grandpa is chief.
August 2016
First and last 3 times doing MDMA.
January 2017
Go on a few Tinder dates with UglyBeige.
February 2017
Unambiguously begin dating my first girlfriend.
March 2017
Trip to Japan. Tokyo, Nara, Kyoto, Osaka. Have a sober ego death realizing how big Tokyo is, and how silly it is trying to be popular in a tiny city of shithead high schoolers. After the trip, I had my first magic mushroom experience. Begin daily meditation.
April 2017
Trip with girlfriend to island up north.
June 2017
Graduate high school. Go with my girlfriend's family on a trip to her home region.
July 2017
Go on a trip to my home region. Summer having access to a JetSki.
August 2017
Second trip to my girlfriend's home region.
September 2017
Move into an apartment to begin post-secondary.
October 2017
The car gets broken into. Shift towards right wing centrist politics.
February 2018
Trip to Maui, Hawai'i.
March 2018
Strange era when a pipe was being welded on my street, which ran the multi-block length of my street.
May 2018
Breakup with girlfriend. Enter emo-rap shithead era.
August 2018
Become friends with a scary girl who makes me insecure.
September 2018
Begin flirting with and leading-on pretty girls at post-secondary as a form of ego boosting.
October 2018
Injured wrist drunkenly skateboarding. Source of carpal tunnel. Begin learning Mandarin.
December 2018
Trip to Montreal, then upon return, get the muscly black dog.
February 2019
Discover Baijiu, and get the worst hangover of my life.
Q1 2019
A very Chinese time in my life.
March 2019
Go to first NHL game.
May 2019
Friends from post-secondary come to visit my home town. Begin my bullshit tech job.
June 2019
Second trip to Europe. Hamburg, Zurich, Lucerne, Lake Como, Venice and Burano.
July 2019
Begin frequenting Love Island so I can set up lights for the "secret" venue.
September 2019
Begin my strange pseudo-primal-indigenous diet of fish, eggs, meat, dairy, mushrooms and blueberries. Evil emo fuckboy aura turns into evil gym bro in the closet aura.
January 2020
Begin scheming an idea about a drug sales network that used messaging apps to route orders to drug dealers who then do deaddrops in public places after crypto is paid by buyer, and picture and coords of the drop are sent to the buyer. Inspired by freaking out about COVID, watching what's going on in China.
February 2020
Trip to Southern California. San Diego and Palm Springs.
March 2020
Dip out of the city early out of fear of COVID. Then lockdown starts two weeks later. Begin era of multi-hour solo bike rides.
June 2020
Era of social distanced drinking hangouts in the park that fail to remain social distanced as people get increasingly drunk.
July 2020
Bought my actual first car.
October 2020
My friend group from high school merges with my little brother's friend group.
December 2020
Begin growing out facial hair to see what it looks like.
January 2021
Facial hair looks terrifying; I begin to look like a hermit freak who emerged from the woods.
May 2021
Graduated from post-secondary. Celebrate with a family trip to a rural coastal logging region.
January 2022
Stop hanging out with the scary female friend who makes me feel bad about myself. Start questioning gender. Get my first 3D printer.
February 2022
Do too much acid. The Ukraine war starts the same day.
March 2022
Meet the former VP of Amazon for coffee, he hypes me up about my startup idea. Begin my phase of nerding out about my 3D printer.
May 2022
Dismantle my bike, repaint it, and reassemble it. Unlock skill of bike maintenance and repair.
June 2022
Separate from my high school friend group.
March 2023
Win a major regional award in my field.
May 2023
Friend group trip to Puerto Vallarta.
June 2023
Go to a local burning-man style event. Do lots of mushrooms, get hit on by MILFs, be naked in public. Also go to a party at a rented mansion with Epstein vibes and play sardines.
July 2023
Go back to my home region to be with grandma after papa passed away. Spend lots of time getting the dock ready for papa's memorial. Find out I've been awarded a prestigious fellowship.
August 2023
Go camping with friends at my friend's aunt's off-grid cabin. Good distraction from my month-long panic attack. Go skinny dipping with the friends.
September 2023
Go to NYC to accept the fellowship.
March 2024
Trip to Tucson for fellowship trip.
May 2024
Trip to Boston for closing fellowship trip.
June 2024
Back country camping trip with friends.
July 2024
Trip to my Nation to be on the radio.
August 2024
Trip to NYC with friends. I decide I need to transition.
October 2024
AFN in Calgary with my grandpa.
November 2024
Begin HRT.
December 2024 / January 2025
Trip to Thailand. Bangkok, Ko Muk, Ko Samui, Ko Tao, and Koh Phangan. Get norovirus in Ko Muk on NYE and puke so hard I shit myself. Got so sick and dehydrated it became a psychedelic experience.
February 2025
Decided I had failed in tech and have no future. Begin studying for the MCAT to get into medical school.
March 2025
Go to Spokane as part of the fellowship. Delete everything from my phone to cross the US border into Nazi occupied territory.
May 2025
Go to WebSummit and suddenly feel excited again about technology. Begin un-paid working at a startup.
June 2025
Brother and his girlfriend move into a fancy apartment and out of their moldy fire hazard slum.
August 2025
Go to my home region with my mom. Build a house for a clanker. Drive back west with mom. Begin sobriety experiment.
September 2025
My brother and his girlfriend got a kitten.
October 2025
Get a new 3D printer and a micro drone. Stop my Nation from making a stupid AI decision. Grandpa starts toying with the idea of hiring me to work for my Nation.
December 2025
Start radio hobby.
January 2026
The three month work trip to my Nation falls through because they can't find anywhere for me to stay. Era begins of them trying to hire me for work I cannot do, like 3D printing homes, teaching IT to kids, starting an organization to operate my Nation's old folks home, and running the suicide prevention program.
February 2026
Experiment with two drinks at a party, and a single joint on a night alone. Turns out sobriety ain't so boring after all; that's just life.